In her New York Times bestselling book Conscious Uncoupling, Katherine Woodward Thomas outlines five steps that construct the program. Each step leads to the next and form the framework for transformation and healing. When I went through coach training with Katherine, we studied these steps in depth. Let’s look at them here.

 Step One: Find Emotional Freedom

Precisely. Freedom from your emotions. Maybe you think are free already. Maybe you’ve stuffed, blocked, or numbed them so much you think feelings don’t impact you. (They do.) Or maybe you’re frequently flooded by your emotions and think you’ll never get a grip on them, never feel free from how they RUN your life. I get it. I’ve done both – been overwhelmed by emotion, and not felt them at all, I felt numb.  We’ll work together to help you feel your emotions, to name them, and to figure out what you need when you feel a tough emotion.

 Step Two: Reclaim Your Power and Your Life

Now that you can name your feelings with some real ownership, we’re going to take a curious look at your story with your partner or ex-partner. What we’re looking for here, without judgment and with curiosity, is your role in the story. Maybe your spouse or ex-partner broke a vow, deceived you, or something else. Though that is not kind or loving, what we want to examine, with tenderness, is how you showed up in the relationship even before that happened. Again, not to blame, but to be inquisitive. We may discover a behavior or action that was almost unconscious to you.

 Step Three: Break the Pattern, Heal Your Heart

This is the step where we go back in time a bit. This is when we look at where you first started to believe and narrate your life in a certain way. For some of us it’s “I’m bad,” “I’m not wanted,” or, “I’m too much.”  These internal messages can start for us as early as four or five years old.  Maybe we were six or eight and something happened at home or something profoundly hurtful at school and we began to see ourselves through this false conviction. In this step we’ll look back at that time in life and reframe that “source fracture” and see how you may have lived into that harmful belief for years and decades. We’ll create a new truth for you to live into and hold for yourself.

 Step Four: Become a Love Alchemist

Throughout the Conscious Uncoupling program, we will hold your relationship, past or present, with honor. We will see the value in it while also helping you to release it without anger or resentment. We’ll spend time creating an intention for this relationship, no matter its new characterization. We will create post-relationship contact guidelines for you that will help you create a new container for interaction that is respectful and generative. You will show up in new ways, with skills that we will practice and design for you specifically.

 Step Five: Create Your Happily-Even-After Life

You can be happy! You can be happy even if your relationship ended, even if you didn’t want it to end, or if you did but you still feel the loss. In Step Five you’ll complete the old agreements, spoken and unspoken, that were shared with your partner. We’ll examine your agreements with your community and how you can establish unity and alignment. We’ll generate ways of being that maintain your dignity and the dignity of your whole family. We will work together to develop ways for you to move forward with intention, consciousness, and love.

These Five Steps can be spread out over five to eight sessions with integration sessions available as needed. You’ll read or listen to the book as we go along. I will be with you as you do this good work. And I will hold your bold, affirmative intention for your future even on the days when you may not be able to.

We’ll get you through this. Contact me to set up an exploratory call.