He Was Stuck Until We Discovered his Intention

A couple of years ago I was working with a client who used to say he was “stuck in a sad love story.” That’s how described his relationship with his partner. He said they cared about each other, but they were often breaking up, rebounding together, and then splitting up again in a matter of weeks or even days.

He didn’t believe it could be different. “It’s just how we are together. It doesn’t really work, but it’s us. A sad love story.” His friends had long before lost their ability to remain supportive or to even keep track of their break-ups. He had stopped sharing the ups and downs with his family because he felt embarrassed by them. And he didn’t want to look foolish or unstable.

As much as he declared himself stuck, he didn’t really want it to be that way. He didn’t know exactly what he wanted, but he knew he wanted something else, something that felt better. That’s when he reached out to me.

After our first session, we started talking about an intention for him. The key was to make the intention not about her or even them as a couple. I wanted his intention to be about him, and what he wanted. Together we came up with, “By the end of the year, I intend to be in a loving, mature, stable, and emotionally secure relationship with a woman who loves me as I love her.”

That one sentence contained everything he wanted in a relationship. He definitely wanted to share love in a mature and stable way, and emotional security was highly desirable to him. He put that sentence in his phone calendar. It popped up as a reminder several times a day. He could recite it in his sleep, and often did recite it before a conversation or date with his girlfriend.

And even though his intention wasn’t about his girlfriend, she experienced him differently. Because of his intention, his focus, and commitment to it, he began showing up in more loving, mature, stable, and emotionally secure ways. For six weeks we developed new skills, ways of being, and ways of thinking for him. He put them into practice every day, step by step. It wasn’t always easy but staying aware of his intention helped him focus and grow into new ways of expressing himself.

Eventually he could see and feel who he was at his core – loving, mature, stable, and secure. Once he realized the clarity of his intention, he was drawn into living it and he flourished.

Intentions should contain three things. Do you know what they are? Let’s work together to create yours.